


The City, The World and The Crowd

by Lovelyj



Series: Still & Me [6]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: A mention of NOT MINE, Angst, BriWoon implication, Canon, Character portrayal is still based on STILL, Dowoon is the cutest, Following the order of Instagram posts, Gravity World Tour, Homophobia implications, I haven’t seen other members wear it so it’s a couple bracelet for now, Jae has been busy with his solo projects, LA Train related, M/M, Otherside is related on Chapter 2, Sungjin is the coolest, Was it a bracelet only Wonpil and Jae wears or the others are wearing it too?, Wonpil has been upset during the Europe Tour, Young K is really a hyung huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:07:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22541458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelyj/pseuds/Lovelyj
Summary: Wonpil feels like he doesn’t belong on Jae’s world, in the large city, in the huge crowd
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Series: Still & Me [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466233
Comments: 12
Kudos: 70





	1. Huge City, Large Crowd

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Calla_Lily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calla_Lily/gifts).



> Hi Hello!!! Your angst author is back!! Imma save the JaePil tags HAHAHA
> 
> I wrote this as quick as I can haha! If only my mom didn’t brought me for shopping I would’ve done this two chapters yesterday. Anyway, Wonpil has been upset this Europe tour so this has been inspired by that moment. Thank you so much for the helpful ideas Kak!

In the silence and peace Wonpil is experiencing right now with a small smile on his face, he thought of Jae as he take his phone out from his pocket and record the countless windmills moving round in accordance to the wind of the slowly fading blue sky. Wonpil watches by the window of the train he took alone to think deeply.

He doesn’t know where he is heading, just like where his relationship with Jae is. He wants to unwind and forget his worries for awhile yet he can’t help but think if the older is with him right now, he would be joking so much just to hear Jae’s laughter. They would be secretly holding each other’s hand because they love to see the scenery. They always love to see the wonders of the world but he is alone today, wandering in this big city of Europe.

He posts the video on his solo Instagram to update My Days of his whereabouts and to share the lovely weather before he pulls up the map application to check where he should be heading next as the train moves slowly heading to its stop.

It has been a few months since they became so distant. Jae has been busier than ever in preparation for his important and future activities while he remains with the rest of the members practicing when they have time, play around like always, long for Korean food while they are in a far away land. Though they always see each other every other day for the concerts, it’s still different when they have the time for each other to talk about random things. The last time, if he could remember correctly was on the American tour where they had so much interviews to take on and Jae was like the coolest hyung and though he was busy talking to everyone in a foreign language he is still trying to learn, Jae would always find the time to be with him but lately as he became more busy in preparation for the different platforms he has to take on and the beginning of his own music through his vlog, he should be okay and he should be happy for Jae’s efforts for his career but it’s been a few months since it became like this and he wonder if Jae has already forgotten about him.

He went back to celebrate New Year with his family just like the rest of the members and in the free time he got, he still couldn’t get a hold of Jae. Not because he tried to call or text him and didn’t receive a respond but because Jae isn’t doing it for him and he doesn’t want to bother him either. He’s afraid to get in his way and what makes it more sad is too see the crescent moon in the sky. Jae would always talk how beautiful the night sky with a crescent shaped moon, he would always take pictures of it and he’d say it would make his heart flutter but nothing could compare to him. Was it just a lie? Or has those feelings has already changed? So Wonpil took a picture of the crescent moon with a simple caption of “Happy New Year” on his newly created Instagram that the members —except for Sungjin— promised to create for My Days.

‘Happy New Year to you, Jae’

Wonpil was always excited about the Europe tour. It reminds him of a promise he made with Jae that they would be visiting Milan for his favorite game, Jae has also mentioned it a lot of times in their interviews and so he thought they’d definitely go together but it turns out, he doesn’t want to do anything anymore. If he could, he’d just stay on his hotel bedroom and stare at the ceiling but he still have to practice for their concerts. There’s a lot of things to do, maybe it’ll distract him but strangely on the day or two of their free time, he still can’t help but think of Jae. He needs to distract himself and just like his wishful thinking, someone knocks on his door and he solemnly opens it, guessing it might be Dowoon but to his surprise, it’s a different person.

It’s their leader, Sungjin, with a smile plastered on his face. Wonpil stares at him with a wondering look and Sungjin just sighs at the sight. He’s known Wonpil for almost ten years, more than the years Jae has known him. And he knows this familiar face, he only sees this on a rare time, just when he is sensitive writing songs or when he is upset and today it is like that. Wonpil has the unwelcoming face and it’s been a few days or maybe a few months since this face come and go as he doesn’t really wish to pay attention to whatever issue they have but as a leader, as a friend for ten years, as a colleague, he needs to do something to cheer him up.

“You said you want to see the football game in Milan.. why aren’t you going?” Sungjin leans his body on the door side.

“I’m not in the mood. Maybe next time” Wonpil then turns to walk to his bed and slump his body. Sungjin watched him pitifully.

“Come on. You think you’re the only one who likes it? I want to see it too. Let’s go together”

“You like going to places alone, you can just go. Alone” Wonpil turns to the opposite side of the bed to avoid Sungjin’s following eyes. Sungjin’s standing on his bedside and he rolls his eyes at the remark.

Without hesitation, he picked a pillow on the bed and hits Wonpil’s tiny body with it.

“Ah! Hyung!!!”

“Don’t hyung me! Did you already forget how we talked about seeing football together?”

Cause among the members, it was always Sungjin and Wonpil who gets along with almost everything. They match with so many things and the are always considerate with one another. And just like how they watch football back then when they were still trainees, they also cheered the football players officially on a video in South Korea, they both always talk about how great would it be to see their favorite team on Milan and now they have the chance, he’s definitely dragging Wonpil with him. He was really planning to go alone though if Jae is coming with him but it looks like it won’t happen and he doesn’t want to ask them about their couple issues.

“Get ready.. hurry..” Sungjin says in monotone that got Wonpil chuckle because Sungjin doesn’t stop and probably won’t stop hitting him while speaking in that weird tone of voice.

“Okay! Okay! I give up. I’m going”

“I’ll be waiting in the lobby, if I don’t see you within thirty minutes I’ll—“

“Alright, alright! I got you hyung” He says as he stands up, walking to his bathroom and Sungjin felt relieve to hear those laughters again. Wonpil maybe annoying with Dowoon of course, but not hearing at least one of those two doing pranks with their loud laughters, the band would be so quiet and weird and he is planning to help out in the way he could.

Sungjin and Wonpil later bought beanie merchandise on the game and shared a picture on their group chat because Sungjin doesn’t want to put his face on the Instagram so Sungjin decided to take a picture of Wonpil and that was decided to be posted without letting anyone know he went with Wonpil.

It was such a fun day for them. They shared laughters and amazement as they reminisce the game they saw earlier on a dinner at a Korean restaurant they found close at the event.

Wonpil’s smiles fade away and his laughter dies. Sungjin wonders what happened and what he saw in his phone that made his smile disappear.

“Wonpil-ah, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing hyung” He smiles as he carefully hides his phone away on the pocket of his jacket. He doesn’t want to say it but he just noticed a post of Jae on the Instagram about pizza and some English caption he couldn’t understand. Jae seems happy without him.

“Did you fight?”

Wonpil shakes his head.

“I don’t know. I don’t really know”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I think.. he’s okay without me and.. and when I’m completely gone, he might not even notice it” A bitter smile forms thinly on his lips as he fiddle with his food.

“Don’t you think it’s too early to think that way?”

“Right? I’m just really being taken by my emotions”

“You know I support you guys right?”

“Yes, hyung”

“If anything, just remember I’m on your side”

Wonpil chuckles as he shake his head. It’s rare to hear a cheesy talk from his hyung that he almost wanna clench his fist yet it really feels good to know that someone is on his side.

“Let’s go back hyung, we have some practice to do”

————

Wonpil arrives at the next train station so he immediately picked up his black backpack and ran in front of the train’s door. He quickly looks back to his map application to check again where he should be heading next. On the large crowd, he looks back and forth from his phone to the crowd, trying to read the English and French words on the sign boards he sees and translates it to an application. There’s a lot of discomfort doing things on his own in a huge place he is very strange with but it’s a lot more comfortable compared to being stuck in the hotel room watching the ticking clock or going to practice and play the same chords he can already play at the back of his hand.

This is much of a better choice.

Wonpil kept walking at the huge station, looking around and still surprised at how the place looks like an antique. At some point of his walk while he was trying to leave the station to walk around he thought he saw a familiar person but then that would be too impossible. He is busy and he probably don’t matter to him at this moment plus he’s been thinking so much about that same person. Maybe because of that. So he tried to ignore the sadness creeping in his heart once again and walked away, keeping his eye line away from where he thought he saw that person.

“Wonpil-ah..” Wonpil turns to the familiar voice that suddenly held him by the arm to stop him from walking.

“Hyung..” Wonpil says as his eyes lifts in surprise. How could anyone know where he is?

“Where are you going?”

“Just..” Wonpil turns his arms and pushes himself in a way Jae can let him go. “..Anywhere..” And he successfully did.

“Then, let’s go.. together..” The word ‘together’ broke Wonpil’s heart. Together doesn’t sits right. It feels like the word doesn’t fit them well.

“I want to go alone today hyung, I’m sorry” Wonpil tries to calm his betraying heart and wonder if he is too obvious just like how the person in front of him look right now. It seems like he doesn’t slept properly again and Wonpil just wants to caress his smooth and pale cheeks. He wants to take care of Jae but he doesn’t even have the heart to talk to him right now, so how? How can he do anything?

“It’s dangerous to be alone” Wonpil understands what Jae means and he is worried he’ll get lost too but it’s much better than to be lost in this relationship he isn’t sure what he could call.

“I’ll be okay, I promise” He forced a smile and looked away to leave but Jae grabs his arm once more and he feels like breaking down at a wrong place, at a wrong time. He beg his heart to not betray him and he begs Jae through his eyes to stop whatever he is doing right now. He tried to take his arm once again however this time, it seems like Jae doesn’t have the plan to let him go. His mind is blank and there is nothing to say except for the words ‘leave me alone’. But he doesn’t repeat what he has said because he knows he wanted this, he wanted Jae to remember him. His mind and heart keeps clashing and he doesn’t know what to follow. He doesn’t anticipate what’s gonna happen next if Jae doesn’t let him go but he wish there is something that can make him feel better.

“Please..”

“No..” He says firmly and Jae knows he won’t be able to talk to Wonpil if he is being this stubborn but its been a few months and its been a few weeks since his sadness is becoming more evident on the stage. Brian has always told him about it and gladly he is always there by his side to cheer him up but as much as he is thankful, he doesn’t want anyone but him to take care of Wonpil. To make him happy and not be the cause of his hurt. Where did it all go wrong?

Jae takes him by the arm. Somewhere.. somewhere they could be alone but.. there is no way to be alone in this large city, in this huge crowd. This is not their place and they are not the right people that can be those people who can kiss in the middle of the crowd because no matter how accepting and large this city, it can never be there’s and they have a whole different life in their own world.

“Jaehyung hyung.. stop..” Wonpil stops walking and he turns to see the younger giving him a glare. Fear running down to his mind. It feels like losing Wonpil on this huge city.

“Just.. give me a minute of your time.. please” He begs. He know it’s his fault for the past few months and he wants to resolve it. But is it wrong to be here at the station looking for him? Should he have just waited on his hotel room? Did he made a wrong decision again?

Jae turns to anywhere, still looking for a place they could hide and the only part of this station he could find is the fire exit after running up back to the station than going out to see a larger crowd.

Without second thought, he locks the door and pins Wonpil on the wall. He doesn’t know now what he is supposed to do. He doesn’t know what he is doing. What is he suppose to say? All he wants is to be in Wonpil’s eye line. If only he doesn’t have to blink so he could memorize this shape and this figure in front of him. He really misses Wonpil even if he is glaring right now, he didn’t know how he survived the nights without him. If he could be stuck in this moment, he’ll gladly take it rather than letting him leave because it feels like once he do, it’ll be over.

Jae has always been stupid with this kind of things, running to Wonpil with no plan, running away from Wonpil with no reason and now they are stuck in this small space with no idea what to talk about so just like how stupid it is, Jae leans in and kisses Wonpil with so much vigor, holding him closer by the waist and the other through his nape and without second thought from the younger, he kisses him back with so much passion, pulling him by the hair while his other hand clenches on Jae’s thick jacket. On those kisses, they know they still love and want each other but that love and desires keeps breaking them apart because that’s just how it’ll be. In the large crowd, in the huge world, there is no space for them.

Wonpil came back to his senses and pushes Jae away in the middle of their passionate kiss that left Jae in question as he sees Wonpil’s frown.

“Stop doing things by impulse. You are not resolving things for us, you just want to resolve it for yourself. Don’t come back to me, if you don’t straighten your mind!”

“Then what do I do? How will you forgive me?”

“You figure it out yourself. Don’t follow me and at least act like what you were doing for the past few months in this place” And Wonpil pushes Jae away from him and walks out of the door. Reminding himself of what his Brian hyung taught him to ride if he wants to go back, he immediately looked for a ticket to buy by saying the words his Brian hyung told him and immediately took the train to get back on the hotel.

—————

“Hyuuung~” Dowoon starts and Wonpil giggles as the younger latches on him. Wonpil is at his hotel room practicing with the keyboard and luckily the door’s unlock so Dowoon just entered as he pleases.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course, I’m always okay”

“Hyung, I’m always at the back of where you all stands. I can see all of you and I know you’ve been really upset for a few weeks now. What’s wrong?”

Dowoon has been up on his Twitter scrolling from his timeline and he saw some of their performances, and he accidentally saw a clip of Wonpil’s solo fancam and the first thought immediately came that maybe his hyung is experiencing a much more complicated situation. He doesn’t really want to ask but if Wonpil can’t fake a smile on the stage, it’s obvious that he is having a hard time. Now he knows why his Younghyun hyung is always trying to play with Wonpil in every performance.

“I don’t know Dowoonie.. maybe my relationship with Jae hyung is about to end. That’s it”

Dowoon’s eyes widen in shock. That’s impossible. Because if what he sees at the back is all real then there’s no way Jae wants to break up with him.

“Why do you think so?”

“It seems like he’s avoiding me. I don’t think he wants to talk to me. This is what I was always scared to happen and now it’s coming, I wonder if we can still be friends”

“Have you tried to talk to him?”

“No.. not yet.” Wonpil trails off as tears slowly falls down to his cheek and he immediately wipes them away and swallows so he doesn’t cry again.

“Why don’t you talk first before coming up with a conclusion? What if you’re wrong about it?”

“I can’t. I’m too terrified to do that. Later maybe when I finally can accept the truth.” A small smile forms in his lips, it broke the younger’s heart. He wonder what is hyung is thinking.

—————

Wonpil’s face is blank as he stares at the now darkened sky at the window. The pinwheels are still flowing by the wind, the streetlights are what it kept to being seen in the moonless night. He’s been holding back his tears until he gets back to the hotel. He then sends a text to his Brian hyung and asks where he is, luckily he just got back from his own tour around the city and now is resting on his hotel room.

Wonpil took this train out of curiosity. The song Jae has posted and he tried to translate in Korean, he wants to understand what it means and how could it be defined if he takes a train by himself so he decided to travel in the afternoon after getting a break and he wished he didn’t. He didn’t like the outcome of this train adventure.

Wonpil quickly knocks to his hyung’s door and the moment it clicks open, it’s like a breathe of the air and the hurt he’s been keeping in for the past few months is pouring down and freeing itself from hiding. He immediately bury his head to Young K’s chest as the older closes the door and pulls him in his embrace. Wonpil covers his face with his hands so he doesn’t get his hyung’s t-shirt wet but Young K removes his hands away from his face and wraps it around his waist. Wonpil sobs more than he thought he would, he cried and cried, still standing on the closed front door. Young K let the younger cry until he can’t anymore, until those sobs turns to hiccups, until he is tired and finally is lying down on the bed but tears remains to fall.

“Stop crying now” Young K says in worry as he watch Wonpil on the other side of the bed, sitting beside him.

“I’m sorry hyung..” He says while wiping his own tears but Young K whips those hands away and wipes his tears with tissue and Wonpil couldn’t describe how thankful he is to have his Brian hyung by his side right now.

And he drifts off to sleep from the tiredness.

The next few concerts has been the same. Wonpil has been enduring the pain in his chest and kept trying to be what he usually is but it’s just too hard sometimes when they are playing, he’s done concerts for so many times so maybe his thoughts can drift off somewhere and think of sad thoughts and without realizing he isn’t smiling again. Without realizing, his Brian hyung is there hitting his keyboards again to keep him distracted.

“Piiiil~”

“Hyung!” Wonpil beams widely as the older brought his arms around his shoulders.

“Join me..”

“On what?”

“I’m going somewhere nice? Somewhere you’ve never been”

“How about Dowoonie?”

“He declined and he probably won’t mind if I go with you”

Wonpil eyes Young K suspiciously, making him feel conscious.

“What?”

“What?” Wonpil echoes in English making both of them laugh.

“Fine, we talked about it and he told me to take you with me”

“I don’t wanna go if I’m just the second option” Wonpil pretends to whine.

“He’s gonna kill me if I don’t go with you so just.. let’s go, you have to see the wonders of Europe” Young K says in an exaggeration as he turns his palm to Wonpil to form a small rainbow with a widen smile making his face look funny. And with Wonpil’s soft nature, he laughs right away and immediately prepares to leave.

It was quite a good experience and he took lots of pictures with Young K and Young K took lots of pictures of him. They were with a crew Young K has been going with most of the time for his own small project as ‘Young One’ as well. They also took pictures of the two and Young K chose some pictures to post on his Instagram.

“How about you? Are you not posting it?”

“You’ll post it anyway. You can do it hyung”

Young K chose the pictures that looks aesthetic and another he took of Wonpil for an evidence he needs to show to Dowoon and some more pictures of him.

“Hyung, was it fun to tour around with Dowoonie?”

“Of course. He keeps playing, there’s no time to get bored around him” Young K blushes as his smiles widens. Wonpil smiles for him.

“I’m envious. Last year you also went with Dowoon and this year you’re still with him.”

He remember how many pictures he took with Jae last year and how many times he stole kisses on him. It was such a beautiful year for them, it was full of love and happiness.

“What is it again, Wonpil-ah? Did Jae hyung said something?”

“No. He didn’t. He isn’t saying anything that’s why I think.. he is happy without me. I don’t think he needs me anymore, hyung. What do I do?”

“What do you mean? I heard he’s trying to approach you but you’re not letting him”

“He is not doing it for us hyung, he is doing it for himself. To clear his mind so I’m also staying away to clear my own mind. It feels like he isn’t mine anymore” Wonpil bitterly chuckles that earned a confusion from the older and he shakes his head.

“It reminded me of the song we wrote together. ‘Not Mine’. I wrote it and gave it a title ‘Paradise’ but we changed it and it turned to ‘Not Mine’. I can’t believe it’s happening in real life” Wonpil smiles to himself and Young K didn’t said anything. He just sighed and stares at the street with hands on his pocket.

“Have you heard Jae’s new song?”

“What song?”

“It’ll be posted later at midnight. You should give it a listen and if you don’t understand some parts of it, text me, I’ll translate it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts about the sad Wonpil on Europe tour of course. And the train scene, fudge, I cried on that haha.. Why does Wonpil have to watch the Pinwheels on the train windows? I’m sad and all this connection thing that we were able to come up just amazes me all the time. I don’t want to relate Wonpil with Jae everyday but if they keep doing it, I’ll be able to write this kind of things. Stop making me sad please..
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it!  
> Have a lovely day My Days!!!


	2. Huge World, Large Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it’s not the butterflies, but the heartache that makes you realize how much you love somebody  
> -Richard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I took too long. Life keeps getting in the way and I’m sorry I tried to make it short but the concept won’t allow me. I’m worried this will turn boring. Huhu.. Help me out..

“Wonpil-ah..” Jae has been worried sick, wondering where Wonpil could be. Luckily Young K knows where he went. Upon seeing him on the large crowd looking back and forth from his phone to some English and French signs, he wondered who let Wonpil walk on his own and why Wonpil didn’t asked him to go with him when he have a perfectly fine boyfriend who can help him instead of wandering around like a lost puppy on this huge city.

It pains him to see the hurt and rejection from Wonpil’s eyes. He wondered where it all began, how it went wrong and why has he been avoiding him. Well, he never even realized that until Sungjin came to speak with him.

Jae looks down to Wonpil’s hand and his arm that Wonpil has been pushing away. He could see the silver lining of their bracelets peeking from their jackets. It reminds him of the cheap bracelet they bought on the beach on their first date and now has turned into this silver one. Their bracelet seemed unbreakable but why does it seems like they are falling apart? He can see that Wonpil really hates him right now and he is terrified. He is scared of what’s on Wonpil’s mind but the fact that he is still wearing the bracelet means something, right? And he is going to do what it takes to win him back.

But Wonpil, with anger plastered on his face, it feels like the big world, in this big city isn’t important any longer. What will he do?

Jae went back and took a train after Wonpil left. He honestly don’t know where to start and how is he going to fix this. It’s like going back to a roller coaster ride aside from he couldn’t feel anything when the roller coaster was turning upside down and he was just there sitting around until he realized its coming to an end and everyone’s done screaming before him. How absurd and that’s how messed up it is.

——————

“Hyung!” A strong Busan accent comes from the familiar voice that’s knocking on his door. Without looking at the person who just entered with no permission he turns to him with curiosity.

“Oh, what is it Sungjin-ah?”

“Just.. I want to ask how have you been..” Sungjin sits on the side of the bed where Jae has been staring at his laptop.

“Well, still the same. I’m tired. Oh, by the way, I saw your message on the group chat. You went to football with Wonpil?”

“Yes, it was really fun”

“That’s really great”

“Are you not gonna ask about Wonpil?”

“Why? What’s up?”

“Have you forgotten your promise to see the football game with him? On Milan” Sungjin says straightforwardly. He doesn’t really care if he is too careless, he was always known to say what’s on his mind but the fact that Wonpil seems so concerned and wondering if Jae even knows what Wonpil is going through yet seeing the expression on his hyung’s face, he just want to scream ‘dumb’ at him.

Jae tried to process Sungjin’s words and realized how stupid up he is. How could he forget?

“I guess you really forgot about him. See you around hyung, I’m gonna sleep” Sungjin says with a bit of implication as he left with goodbye.

Jae then immediately grabbed his phone and text’s Wonpil asking where he is. After ten minutes he got a response saying he’s just on his room and when he was typing to ask if he can go to his room, Wonpil has already sent another message saying he’s tired and will talk to him some other time.

————

World tour has always been the busiest time for the band. They’ll be here and there doing all kinds of interviews, shows, performances, while preparing for their future comeback album so when they go back to Korea, they’ll just be recording them. But for Jae, aside from their group projects, he’s been preparing for his comeback as ‘EAJ’ for his Youtube channel that everyone was excitedly waiting and in the midst of that, he also accepted another solo projects to promote himself and his band worldwide. He knows it’ll take his time away with his bandmates and with Wonpil but at this time all he can think of is how he’d be able to help his group. And Jae has always been so generous, how can he decline such offer?

So Jae has been doing more things on his own after their American Tour. As they prepare for their Christmas concert, he is only there when there is practice and leaves again to update and check again and again for the preparation of his solo projects. Jae has been busy more than ever and receiving a cheer up messages from Wonpil has been helping him to energize but as time passed by, not realizing that few months has already passed, his talks and chats with Wonpil has become shorter and slowly became nothing. He didn’t mind it at first, maybe Wonpil’s just busy as well writing songs or anything else however without realizing, he didn’t know they’ve been drifting apart. Even during practice, they don’t talk that much anymore. Even at the backstage, Wonpil seemed distracted with so many things. Talking to Sungjin, to Dowoon, to Young K but him and still he didn’t mind because probably in his absence, Wonpil has been closer with the rest.

After the end of Christmas Concert, they all went back home. He lay on his bed and tried to send a text but for some reason, he don’t know what to say. He thought, Wonpil should understand how busy and tired he is, right? It should be okay even if they don’t talk for a while.

After waking up in the afternoon of New Year, he smiles to see Wonpil’s first post on Instagram. He knew it was for him.

The Europe tour came and it became the beginning of his preparation for all of his plans he worked on for the past few months. He’s been doing so many things on the SNS world, following his Instagram lives and has been teaching Young K on how Instagram works.

“How are things with Wonpil lately?” He suddenly asks out of nowhere.

“Well, nothing really. I’ve been busy here and there. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just curious. Anyway, how does this live thing works again?” He shifts their conversation right away to avoid having more of the topic and grab his attention to his phone and to Jae’s explanation.

That reminded of Young K about Wonpil’s words. “I don’t think he cares about me anymore”

Young K watched Jae talk as if he isn’t minding anything at all.

———————

After Sungjin’s awakening, Jae has noticed how much Young K and Wonpil got closer. He was always there by his side. Everything he didn’t noticed before became clear to his view. Wonpil smiles a lot during their performances however he finally saw that he does not. He once tried to come to him but it doesn’t feel natural at all so he went back to his position but Young K is there again to hit his keyboard, to distract him and make him smile until Wonpil returns the favor by strumming Young K’s bass and smiling widely just for him. He knows exactly how he feels right now, it’s jealousy. Even if Young K doesn’t like Wonpil in a way he does, he knew he is jealous but he feels helpless and he is mad of himself for not realizing, for not noticing anything. And he is jealous of Young K for seeing all of that.

Jae scrolls at their old messages and noticed how their chats became shorter day by day until he stopped replying, until Wonpil didn’t messaged him anymore. He thought, for the past months they’ve traveled the world, Wonpil just loved hanging out with the rest of the members and he also thought it was easier for him to do his own thing, without being worried about Wonpil at all. Why did he thought of that?

——————

“Hyung?” A deep voice coming from a younger guy he knows very well comes to his side and sits right beside him. They both stare at the night sky on the outdoor pool of the rooftop, hearing the wind rustling on the plants and brushing their skins. “Aren’t you busy? Why are you here?”

‘ Busy .  Do I always look like busy?’

“Nothing. Just..”

“Is it Wonpil hyung?”

“Well..”

“Is he being harsh on you?”

The words stings as if something burning just poked his heart and so Jae doesn’t respond because Dowoon is right and he hate how Dowoon can be similar to Sungjin sometimes. Brutally honest.

“You’ve been hard on him too. I don’t wanna say it because you’re still my hyung but Wonpil hyung is my favorite and he has been really sad because of you. You deserve it. The treatment he does to you I hope it serves you a lesson”

“I still don’t understand. What did I do?” Jae asks in a frustrating tone. His hands flailing in a question pose and Dowoon doesn’t know if he’ll pity or he’ll want to hit him.

“Hyung, do you know? Sometimes you don’t have to do anything to hurt others. Sometimes your ignorance that someone’s actually waiting for you hurts more. I’d probably feel the same if someone I love does it to me too. You’re lucky Wonpil hyung really cares about you”

Jae only stares at Dowoon that doesn’t meet his eyes but the overlooking city and the twinkling stars of the sky. Jae was so used at Dowoon’s nonsense, it’s too weird to hear him being serious and poetic like this. But he knows Dowoon is trying to help, it’s just that he is still a mess.

“I’m going. I have some stuff to do with Younghyun hyung”

Jae would really want to stop Dowoon and ask him questions but seeing this strange and cold attitude, he doesn’t have the heart to stop the younger after hearing ‘Younghyun’ from his mouth, he shouldn’t really bother him.

Dowoon walks off cooly with one hand in his pocket. His face is nothing but like that Dowoon on the old trilogy MV. Jae returns his look back to the sky and thought deeply once again, not knowing how Dowoon was looking back at him for a second just to immediately run away and hide on a wall, ten meters away from Jae, as he put his hand on his heart, red hot ears, due to nervousness. 

“Yoon Dowoon, you did great. You did well” he whispered to himself as he tap his both hands to his heart as if he is trying to comfort it and slowly a big sneaky smile formed on his face as if he just succeeded in some kind of a mission.

“Sungjin hyung!!” Dowoon knocks excitedly on his door and an annoyed Sungjin with a plaid shirt and boxers, opens his room but seeing the excited look on the maknae’s face, the annoyance immediately disappeared and left with curiosity instead.

“I did it! I did it!” Dowoon repeatedly said as if he can’t calm down as he go to Sungjin’s bed and sits on it.

“Yoon Do—“ Sungjin pinches the bridge of his nose to calm down. He just got his room clean and got his bed arranged but he shouldn’t and he can’t really get mad to this cute and excited maknae right now.

“Hyung.. Thank you!!”

“What’s gonna happen now?” Sungjin asked, confused.

“I want to help Wonpil hyung. Jaehyung hyung looked stress” Dowoon chuckles like a devil and bites his lips with his hands up front like a standing puppy to stop himself from laughing.

“What do you have in mind, really?”

“Watch and learn” Dowoon says in English with those sneaky look and smiles that got Sungjin rolling his eyes, he just can’t believe he’s trusting this maknae. 

And somehow those English words seems familiar.

It was three weeks ago prior to their trip on Europe when Dowoon noticed how Wonpil has been down lately. His smiles are slowly fading and his mind is always elsewhere. Dowoon didn’t tried to bother himself much with the situation as his hyung would always have this kind of episode and let him be but then it’s been a few days and he know something’s not right. He misses his playful hyung and it’s weird to hear his silence. They are partners in crime and they should always be but Wonpil’s attitude is worrying him so finally with little courage he got to ask him.

“Hyung, what’s up?” He asks on the plane when they were heading to Europe. Wonpil and Dowoon has been assigned to sit together while Jae and Young K are together and Sungjin is with a staff.

“What?”

“Is there any problem? You’ve been really down lately..”

“Me? No, there’s no problem. Something’s just bothering me”

“Care to share?”

“Hmm.. maybe later.. Wanna watch something? I know you’re bored.”

“Okay.. Let’s do that” Dowoon didn’t asked any further. He thought, he’ll wait until Wonpil is willing to talk about it.

——————

“Sungjin hyung..” Dowoon walks closely to his hyung who is busy picking his food at the hotel’s buffet. Dowoon has been following Sungjin for one purpose today and he just want to get off this frustration out of his chest. He picks food for himself as well.

“Why? Is there a problem?” Sungjin asks in concern due to the odd tone of the younger’s voice, as if it’s worried over something.

“No.. not me. Wonpil hyung..”

“Ah, you noticed too? Don’t worry. He’ll get better”

“But he’s acting strange. Don’t you think? And..” Dowoon trails off, he isn’t sure if he should get himself involved with some things he shouldn’t.

“Spill it, it’s okay..” Sungjin smiles a little to give the maknae an assurance and that gave him courage to say what he wants to.

“And I think it has something to do with Jaehyungie hyung.. have you noticed that too?”

“Hmm.. they probably fight or something but we can’t really do anything with that”

“But.. it’s been weeks hyung!..” Dowoon’s voice raises up in concern that he immediately covered his mouth one hand in case he get attention. The tip of his ears turned red right away.

Sungjin snickers and Dowoon pouts as he wonder what those laugh means.

“You have to calm down”

“But Jaehyung hyung seemed so oblivious about it!” He shouts in whisper for getting offended for being laughed at.

“What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know. Maybe let’s help Wonpil hyung cheer up. He can’t resist us if we all let him feel we’re here”

“Sure. I guess I’ll start. I’m planning to take him on the football game if Jae isn’t doing it. It’s good to have some company”

“Really?” Dowoon’s eyes sparkles in amusement and probably praise of how cool his hyung is to have thought of something already, like always while Sungjin just shrugged it off as if it’s a common thing he sees, well it is and he suppressed a smile behind his full of expressive face.

“Let’s sit there” Sungjin walks away as Dowoon follows like a small puppy.

——————

“Did you fight?” Sungjin asks after their laughter died in talking about the football game they watched earlier and some memories from the past.

Wonpil shakes his head.

“I don’t know. I don’t really know”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I think.. he’s okay without me and.. and when I’m completely gone, he might not even notice it” A bitter smile forms thinly on his lips as he fiddle with his food.

“Don’t you think it’s too early to think that way?”

“Right? I’m just really being taken by my emotions”

“You know I support you guys right?”

“Yes, hyung”

“If anything, just remember I’m on your side” 

Sungjin watched Wonpil chuckle with sadness evident in his eyes. He let himself smile even though he really wants to comfort the younger. 

So that was Wonpil has been thinking about the whole time.

“Let’s go back hyung, we have some practice to do” Wonpil says and despite of not wanting to go back yet and spend more time, perhaps the desire of wanting to share some advice to help Wonpil like how he does with all of his friends and even with the fans but he nods automatically and stood up when Wonpil did.

“Wonpil-ah, should I help you?” Sungjin suggests with something in mind.

“You know hyung..” Wonpil starts off when they were waiting for the taxi. “I’m just really upset that Jaehyungie hyung isn’t giving me his time. I’m just gonna make him suffer I guess”

It turns out Sungjin doesn’t really have to do anything. Wonpil still seem positive despite of what he said earlier and for sure he is already cooking something in mind.

“Is there something we can look forward?”

“I guess.. watch and learn” Wonpil says in English as he shrug and smirk that got Sungjin chuckle. It seems like their Europe tour will be more interesting than he thought.

——————

Dowoon didn’t do much at the moment after hearing what Sungjin told Jae as he was expecting maybe his Wonpil hyung will do something or Jae will make his move however as time passes by and as he scroll at his twitter, accidentally checking one of those Wonpil fancams, he seemed to be a lot upset than he thought and it is becoming more evident on stage. He do remember how Jae seemed to be so occupied with many things, looking like he doesn’t even have the time to talk to Wonpil and Wonpil seemed to reluctant to approach him. It surprised him how Wonpil shed a tear, telling him how he truly feels. He hates to see how Wonpil is getting hurt like this. It’s something he never knew he’d see in Wonpil when he is the most positive person despite of whatever negativity the world will give him.

Finally, at the pool where he caught Jae alone staring at the sky, wondering why he seemed so down, he thought maybe.. and tried to be direct. Seeing the reaction on Jae’s face, he knows by then Wonpil must’ve done something.

After leaving Sungjin’s room, Dowoon’s smiles couldn’t be wiped off. His upset emotions towards Jae seemed to slowly fade with how he was able to say things earlier. But when he was about to enter his room, he receives a text from his Younghyun hyung about Wonpil crying and is in his room at the moment. It was then he found out about Wonpil going somewhere and met Jae on a train station, he started to wonder if what he said to Jae was unnecessary and wrong at the time. He guessed he really can’t help at all.

———————

“Wonpil-ah..” Brian sits right beside Wonpil taking tissues one by one as Wonpil throws them aside after wiping his tears.

“Hyung.. he.. he didn’t really follow me when.. when.. I told him not to.. is he stupid?! Hyung! Why is your friend stupid?!”

“He’s your boyfriend you idiot!”

“Why am I in a relationship with an idiot?” And Wonpil wails again, wiping his tears with the tissues his Brian hyung keep passing. “I hate him so much! I’m gonna kill him!!”

“You two are idiots.. you look good together” Brian mumbles to himself, with a frown that had been drawn in his face since the time Wonpil has started talking. He doesn’t really care if Wonpil heard him just right now, it’s just that this has been on going for a few months and been worst for the few weeks they are in Europe.

For the past few months, if it’s not Jae’s projects that’s keeping him up, it would be his friends. He knew his friends has helped him a lot but he should’ve been there for someone who truly needs him and cares about him the most.

“Hyung, I’m sorry” Wonpil says, looking tired and drowsy for crying so much. He stopped crying but the tears keeps falling on his eyes so with a broken heart, Brian wipes his tears for him that got Wonpil smiling.

Wonpil does really care about the members so much as if he’s a mom. He is always there when they are having troubles even in silence he will never leave you alone. Wonpil seemed like the kind of person who doesn’t need to be comforted but they should’ve realize in those efforts, Wonpil is someone who needs to be cared too, he’s someone who loves to be pampered and for some reason, they must’ve forgot that Wonpil was once their maknae too.

Brian kept quiet and thought deeply but got distracted with the buzz of his phone. It’s another message from Dowoon asking him to cheer Wonpil up. He replies with a simple okay and a good night before placing his attention back to Wonpil who is now asleep on his bed.

And as if on cue, there is a knock on his door so he quickly stood up and opens it but seeing the unwanted person, he immediately stepped out and closes the door.

“Why? Is Dowoonie there? Ah, he did said it earlier. I forgot” Jae scratches the back of his neck.

“Why hyung?” Brian asks with those sharp eyes and cold tone.

“No, just..” Jae thought how he seemed not been able to continue his words but it seems like everyone knows what he wants to say and he realized by then how everyone knows about Wonpil’s situation yet he didn’t mind and didn’t bothered to ask. He thought things will be okay because Wonpil understands him anyway and Wonpil understands him always. Has he been taking him for granted?

“Wonpil’s here..” Jae blink-blinks. Not sure of what he just heard or he might’ve been mistaken.

“Piri? With Dowoon?” His eyes wide open, his ears perks up to make sure he doesn’t hear Brian wrong.

“No.. just me and Wonpil” He emphasizes and Jae frowns as if he is understanding it in different meaning.

“Why?”

Brian shrugs.

“You’re not acting like his boyfriend so I’m here to take care of him instead. Wonpil’s really tired and he needs me right now. We can talk tomorrow hyung..” He lies. He’s just really curious of how Jae would react and why? For the past few weeks when Sungjin let him know, it seems like he didn’t do anything. When Dowoon and him was talking about it, it seems like Dowoon was the one who’s the most worried instead of Jae. When he tried to talk about Wonpil, why does he look so unaffected?

“I want to take him..” Jae’s voice turned cold and anger filled him. If he really hates Wonpil being with everyone else than him then why was he too far when Wonpil was a step away? He knows it sounds stupid but he can’t help himself. Sometimes—always. It was always his pride that’s taking advances and his fear of being rejected despite of knowing how much Wonpil loves him, still scares him. There are times when he don’t really understand his actions and how come he is always late and always regretting. It reminds him of Wonpil’s angry face on the train station earlier. How much Wonpil hates him. He had his chance. A few months, a few weeks, a few days yet he didn’t do anything. He was a coward. His pride was always first but is it really the truth? Or is it just his lame excuse because in this world, even if it’s not in this city, in the crowd, Wonpil is never his. No matter what happens, Wonpil will never be his but Wonpil is his love no matter what the world says, no matter how huge the world is, in this billions of people, there is only one person he wants and he is in the room of someone who took care of him and cheered him up in his absence. He doesn’t have the right to be angry but his head can never win his heart when it comes to Wonpil just like when he can’t think straight on the days he ignored him.

“Too late..” Brian says before turning to his door to push it. “Save it for next time. He‘s already asleep”

“Bri.. come on. Just—

“Why hyung?” Brian turns to Jae once again in furious and curiosity. “Can you at least tell me? I really want to understand you. We’ve known each other for almost eight years but for the past few months, I can’t understand any of your actions. You’ve been really weird, you know? It’s nothing like you”

“Wonpilie was smiling even when I wasn’t there”

“What was he supposed to do? Cry? Are you out of your mind?!”

“No. At one point, I haven’t seen him in a few days but he seemed so okay without me. He was happy with you guys.. he was smiling and even when I was there, he seems to occupied and I thought it was okay even I’m not around for a while so I decided to focus on my projects”

“It sounds an excuse”

“Yes it is. I was jealous and I don’t know how to express it. I was jealous of him smiling so much without me. I thought he was too happy being with you guys. I was jealous until I didn’t notice how time passed by and I haven’t got to talk to him again.”

This time Brian thought, Jae’s reasons are plausible. Jae was always what they call tsundere and it must’ve been hard for him all this time to understand his emotions. He wouldn’t know how Jae did with his past relationships but seeing how his relationship with Wonpil grow over the past years, Jae has changed. When he says he doesn’t like to be kissed on the cheek, when he doesn’t like clingy people, when he find aegyo annoying, when he doesn’t like to show his true emotions, it was all Wonpil who broke down those walls. Everything sounds a lie when it’s about Wonpil. Everything he hates seems like all the things he enjoy, only with one certain person. He had seen Jae fell in love with their keyboardist everyday and how his attitude and attention for him has changed. And finally to where they are right now. He thought, Jae is still learning how love works and why he is feeling all the unwanted emotions he is feeling right now. Wonpil was always right, Jae is really pitiful.

“I get it” He replies quietly. “I believe in you and I hope you can resolve it with Wonpil but please don’t do that again. Wonpil is such a sweet guy to be hurt like this”

“I know. He doesn’t deserve it. Can I take him?”

“Not now hyung. It’s almost midnight and he is already sleeping. Just let him be right now”

Jae nods in disappointment but Brian does have a point. Everything is wrong right now and this timing might become worse. He shouldn’t force it.

“In a few days, I’m posting a new song. Will you tell Wonpil about it?”

“I don’t have to. He’ll know it anyway” 

“Also, Dowoonie came to me earlier.. will you tell him, thank you” Brian was curious about it but he thought he should save it for next time and nods at Jae, leaving him in the corridor alone.

At that night, Young K watched Wonpil for a while and receives a message from Jae about some English lyrics of a song. He took his time to read and realized how it sounds like Jae and Wonpil’s situation right now. After that, he went to Dowoon’s room to talk to him and sleep to clear his mind.

———————

“Hyung, was it fun to tour around with Dowoonie?” Wonpil asks while they were sitting around after walking sometime.

“Of course. He keeps playing, there’s no time to get bored around him”

“I’m envious. Last year you also went with Dowoon and this year you’re still with him.”

Young K felt bad once again for the younger. Since the night he and Jae talked, he haven’t heard of anything about them again. Wonpil isn’t saying anything. Dowoon decided not to do anything either. He even said it’s better to support and watch them resolve their problems.

“What is it again, Wonpil-ah? Did Jae hyung said something?”

“No. He didn’t. He isn’t saying anything that’s why I think.. he is happy without me. I don’t think he needs me anymore, hyung. What do I do?”

“What do you mean? I heard he’s trying to approach you but you’re not letting him”

“He is not doing it for us hyung, he is doing it for himself. To clear his mind so I’m also staying away to clear my own mind. It feels like he isn’t mine anymore” Wonpil bitterly chuckles that earned a confusion from the older and he shakes his head.

For the past few days, Wonpil’s been avoiding Jae more obviously than before. After what happened on the station, he was afraid his feelings will get worst and his performances on stage will only look bad when their fans came to them to have a good time. Wonpil is envious of how Jae can conceal his emotions through his smiles as if there was nothing wrong but what if there really is nothing wrong in Jae’s part and he is just the only one who’s overthinking and getting sad about them.

Wonpil waits for midnight and receives a notification for what his Brian hyung has mentioned. When he clicked on it, he also got a message from Brian at the same time. He opens it while the song is being played and there is a translation of the whole song. He read it slowly and repeatedly. He knows the song is for him but he just can’t get his hopes up when his head has been a mess lately. What if this was written a long time ago and he is just assuming things besides Jae hasn’t been talking to him. That cold hearted bastard.

A soft knock comes at his door and he looks at it for a second before he wipes the slight wet in his eyes. Another knock came and he quickly stood up to open it. To his surprise, it was the person who never knocked his door. For the past few months, Jae never came at his door and he thought it’s too unfair to let him in so he closes it as quick as possible just to hear a yelp from the other. Wonpil gasps in surprise and Jae hisses as he cradle his fingers to his chest.

What if Jae can’t play his guitar because of him? Wonpil almost shed a tear as he carefully and swiftly grab Jae’s hand to his to check for any kind of bruises. Thankfully he didn’t see any, though his fingers are a bit red.

“Does it hurt?” Wonpil asks unconsciously. Worries filling in his face and Jae just suddenly forgot the throbbing pain in his fingers when he stared too long at the younger. When Jae’s heart took over his mind again, he unconsciously kisses the younger’s cheek for a few second. Wonpil once again glares at him, pushing his hand away before closing the door in his face.

“Wonpil-ah..” Jae knocks and knocks but Wonpil doesn’t seem to have a plan to open his door and sends a message to him to leave him alone.

For a few days, they’ve been in the same situation. And the rest of the members watched them as if they are some kind of entertainment on the television. Though this time in their minds, they are cheering for Jae because he is finally trying to do something except they’ll never help him after what he has done.

“Wonpil-ah, please. Can we talk? At least for a bit?”

“No” Wonpil says when he was about to go to his room after a long day and the last day of their concert. The door of his room clicks open but Jae shuts it, not allowing him to get inside instead he took Wonpil by the hand and brought him to his room in which is 2 rooms away from Wonpil only and the rest of the members who were silently following them stopped at their tracks to see the animated play happening in front of their eyes.

“Jae hyung has been really cold to Wonpil these past few months and now he is chasing him like this. Is he stupid?” Sungjin begins when Wonpil opened the door of his room.

“Ugh! When will this end?” Dowoon whines, leaning his head to Young K’s head.

“I can’t believe Jae’s doing this in the corridors. What if people sees them?” The three chuckles as they witness Jae dragging Wonpil in his room.

“Should we drink and gossip about them?” Dowoon excitedly asks, eyes looking back and forth to the people beside him. He knows his Younghyun hyung won’t decline so he kept his puppy stare at Sungjin.

“I’ll pass, I don’t want to be a third wheeler” Sungjin took a step to walk out but Dowoon grabs him by the arm right away and with Young K’s help, Sungjin just rolled his eyes as the two drags him to Young K’s room.

“Hyung! Seriously! What’s wrong with you?!”

“You were not listening to me, I just want to talk to you!”

“What is it that you want to say so much? You’ve been ignoring me this whole time and suddenly you’re acting like this— I don’t want to talk to you” Wonpil makes his way to the door and finally opens it but Jae slams it as fast as he could and now he is standing closely to Wonpil. And Wonpil looks up to meet his eyes, he is still glaring like always.

“Did you hear the song?”

“What song?” Wonpil acts oblivious and his eyes went to anywhere but Jae. Jae knows he is lying.

“I’m sorry”

“Why now?”

“Because I’ve been busy—“

“Busy your ass! Get away from me”

“I’m not done yet! I’ve been busy understanding myself. I’ve been thinking so much about you, about me and I just finally got it. I wrote the song for my apology. I’m sorry if I took too long to get back to you but after getting my answers, I promise I’ll love you better”

“You made me feel you don’t need me. I was so lost hyung. You don’t know how time changed me and I started depending on you. Please.. let me think before we talk again. I need to be alone tonight”

Jae do understand where Wonpil is coming from. He is reluctant to let him leave at this moment but he’s got no choice. He has to wait just like how Wonpil waits for him. So he placed his hand to Wonpil’s chin to make him look at him.

“This is the last time I’m letting you go. I’ll do what it takes to win you back” Jae said softly and Wonpil clenches his fist to his clothes in fear of staying when he still needs one last time to think. Jae then leans in and kisses him softly. It was an innocent kiss but Wonpil can feel all the sincerity from Jae and he really hates how much he loves this pitiful guy. “Good night”

Wonpil nods and walks out of the room.

———————

Wonpil walks around Europe by himself, it’s almost time to go back home and he can’t wait for it.

But for now, he walks street by street with a navigation from his phone, in case he get lost or he wants to go somewhere else. Anywhere he goes, Europe seems so pretty. Everything is too pretty around him and he hates how much he thinks of the same person everyday whom he wished was able to do this with him instead of bawling and running away.

He took pictures of anything that catches his eyes, not noticing an eye following him from the side wearing a hoodie with his hands on its pocket, looking at what fancy’s Wonpil. The sun is setting and the sky is mixed in red, yellow and orange but Wonpil doesn’t mind and walked on unknown places and led his feet to nowhere. And now he is in a narrow road with stairs, it looks like he is passing by to some houses with pretty designs on their walls and he took pictures of it wondering what the end of this stairs would look like. Then finally, the person who has been following him took a step forward to walk on Wonpil’s side, slipping his hand to his that immediately Wonpil took back in surprise, looking up at him.

“Hyung! Are you crazy?” Wonpil says in pure shock as his eyes turn to left and right hoping no one knows them and no one saw them but Jae just delicately takes his hand again, rubbing his thumb to the younger’s fingers and when he felt Wonpil’s about to take it again, he held it tightly to make sure Wonpil doesn’t slip away from him this time. He stares at the identical bracelets in their wrists.

“Do you know what I hate about you?” Wonpil looks up at him with anger burning in his eyes as Jae stares at him lovingly, as if he is familiar with this look now, waiting for the next words without letting go. “You’re always doing what you want. One day you’re a coward and you’re suddenly holding my hand. You keep pushing and pulling me. I’ve been doing my best to help you out, why are you not helping me?”

Jae caresses Wonpil’s cheek with his soft hand and the frown on his face slowly disappears. Wonpil really hates how he wants to lean in on the touch. He hates how much he misses Jae and he hates how his heart leaps with a sign of heartache just by the sight of Jae. He hates all of his emotions but he couldn’t hate Jae and that’s what he hates the most. He hates how much he loves Jae. He hates how he doesn’t want to care at any chance of passerby’s in this quiet road, he just wants to be out here in this city, at this moment with the person he loves the most.

“I know. Like I said, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I wasn’t there for the past few months, being busy is an excuse and I don’t know how to explain myself but while I was away, I’ve learned a lot about love. I’ve thought of you all this time Wonpil. I’m sorry if I was too distant. It was just the side of me that I couldn’t get rid of. When I saw how you looked happy with the rest of the members as if it’s okay if I wasn’t there, and I thought you were really okay without me. It was such a stupid thought of mine”

“You didn’t text me. You didn’t ask me if how was I. You haven’t notice me at all and you think I was okay? I hate to be petty but are your friends more important than me?“

Jae shakes his head and embraces the shorter, taking all of the scent he’s been longing for as he pull Wonpil to his chest.

“No.. they’re not Wonpil-ah.. I don’t need them like how I need you. They can’t give me the happiness you give me. It’s different with you. It’s always been like that”

A quiet sob immediately stormed in the moment Wonpil buried his head to Jae’s chest without trying to hold on to him. He is still trying to control himself by not letting his defenses down but it was the overwhelming feeling and the longing that made him cry, his thoughts were all in at the moment and he couldn’t sink in whatever Jae just said to him.

“Am I not good enough for you anymore? Did you really grew tired of me?” Wonpil continues.

“No.. never. I told you I’ll never get tired of you. I can’t even imagine losing you. You’ve always been good for me, it’s me who isn’t good enough” Jae abruptly says. His heart aches just by listening to Wonpil’s breaking voice. This happened before yet why was he still never that careful? It reminds him of what his friend, Richard, has told him randomly ‘ Sometimes, it’s not the butterflies, but the heartache that makes you realize how much you love somebody’.  Those words and what Dowoon told him, made things clear for him. He couldn’t comprehend his own emotions before and it was hard to accept but for the sake of the person he love, he is now willing to let go of his pride that has been holding him back to be honest.

“But why? Do you know how scared I was?”

“I’m sorry. I just tried to stay away because it seems like you can be happy without me but I realized I was running away from my emotions again. I like you too much I hate seeing that you can be happy without me. I guess.. I’m jealous again”

Wonpil hits him again and again wherever he could reach after hearing his excuse. His chest or his shoulders, it doesn’t really matter. But Jae did notice how Wonpil doesn’t try to hit him strong enough to the point he’d want to punch him. In the end Wonpil still cares about him. Though it still physically hurts but for sure it’s nothing to compare with the pain Wonpil had felt for the past few months so he let him be, still embracing Wonpil in his arms until Wonpil stops.

“I hate you..” Wonpil utters with his head down low resting in Jae’s chest.

“I love you though..”

“Then say it, express it! Don’t leave me in blur. If you’re jealous tell me. Tell me everything”

“I’m doing it now. I’ll do that in the future. I’m really sorry. This will never happen again. So please.. I really missed you, can’t you hug me back?” Jae said the last verse in a small voice as if he is praying for Wonpil to hear him out.

Wonpil curses in his mind. In the end, he can’t deny how much he misses Jae so he hugs him by his torso and Jae embraces him tighter around his shoulders. Jae buries his head on Wonpil’s neck while Wonpil on Jae’s chest. A tear falls from Jae’s eyes, a sign of relief is drawn in his face and it doesn’t matter whoever crosses the small road right now because at this moment he just wants to kiss Wonpil as much as he could and they did. They held to each other tight as they take this moment together to their memories, to the rest of their lives.

No one really matters right now. Because in this big city, in this big world and even in the crowd of people, there will always be one person in their minds and they will still run back to each other’s arms.

At that night, they spent it outside by walking everywhere and anywhere they could go. They ate all the food they think would taste good. They watched the night sky, where the moon is clearly shining and they held hands, as tight as they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m worried about how you guys will accept the ending.. 
> 
> There’s a lot of thoughts in my head but I definitely understand Jae’s side, it’s just that he is stupid but I also hate how much i understand his stupidity. Not everyone can be courageous or understanding of themselves. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to accept that this is what we’ve become and our pride sometimes or could it be the fear to change stops us but then again, it only takes a step out from our shell by slowly being honest to those people whom we care about the most, slowly we’ll realize it wasn’t that hard at all.
> 
> Am I talking about myself? Yes hahaha! I’m a tsundere myself, I’m sorry hahaha.. It’s just that I don’t have love life. I’m talking about my friendship with people though.
> 
> I have to say I hate how long this is. Thank you so much for reading and I hope it’s worth your time. I’m sorry if it didn’t live up to your expectations, I’m just thinking deeply, so deeply without context and let my emotions drag me away. Have a lovely day My days, thanks again ❤️


End file.
